We are in this together.

Sometimes when naps are bad and I can't get a thing done around the house (or take a minute to sit down), I feel like Hazel and I are working against each other. Like we are fighting or something. But today, I counted to 10 when I started to feel nutty, and held her tight, and told her "we are in this together" - we are on the same team, Hazel and I. I always wanna be on the same team as this kid - not working against her or being the taskmaster. We are in this together.

Have fun.

We went to Auntie Jamie and Cousin Maddie's yesterday, and did a Christmas photoshoot with the girls. Hazel was super giggly and fun! We totally had a bad nap morning, and she cried the entire way there. But once she was fed and happy, we took photos and broke her scheduled wake time...and had FUN. I can't forget in the routine of everything to have a good time. Let loose. Throw out the rules. Life is here and now, and it's not getting any easier or any less crazy...so we should just have some fun.

Be patient.

Sometimes it's hard to wait. It's hard to be in a place when you're wishing you were somewhere else - in our case, wishing we lived in Clovis and were closer to my family. But Hazel is teaching me to be patient. She shows me how happy she is in any place, in any house, as long as she has mom and dad. And there's something so wise about that. Be patient, and grateful for us 3!

3 things.

In a few hours, we're headed to the doctor to see if Hazel has an ear infection. Some fussiness, a mild fever of 99 last night and some noticeable ear wax made me wanna check it out. It's honestly such a small thing, but I feel so nervous that she does have an ear infection. Feeling anxious this morning, my amazing husband encouraged me to think positive: write down 3 things that make me happy about Hazel - then 1 thing in the last 24 hours that she has done to made me smile. Here goes, positivity or bust!

1. Hazel is tough - every time I wonder if she'll be ok, she shows me how brave and strong she is!
2. Hazel has the best giggle - I love her gummy smile and tiny dimple on her left cheek :)
3. Hazel is fun to hang out with - I love going out to shop or hang with friends and show her off, she loves to be around people and I love that!

In the last 24 hours I learned that when I hold Hazel on my lap and say "YAY!" and clap her two little chubby hands together, she smiles SO big! We did that yesterday after seeing something cool on The Ellen Show, and she smiled real big. We showed Papa when he got home from work and it was so fun.

So many good things about this baby. I just love her a whole lot.

Embrace the chaos.

There's a lot of unpredictability being a parent. You never know if it's going to be a fussy day or a happy day. You want to get out of the house, but you're afraid that they'll have a meltdown. But Hazel girl is teaching me to embrace the chaos. Every day is different, full of ups & downs and ins & outs, and I have to deal with the unknown and the wild when I'm raising a little life.

Moms are powerful.

Sometimes people tell me "oh look, she's mesmerized with her mama!" when Hazel is looking at me. I usually think to myself "no, she's just looking at someone who's nearby." - not really feeling like I'm that powerful. But when I think about my own mom, and how what she says affects me so much, what she says matters, what she does I watched all those years (and still do), I remember that moms are powerful. I'm not only the one who feeds and watches Hazel, but I'm also her mom. And that's a pretty big deal.

You worry too much.

Today Hazel had her 2-month check up and she got her shots. I was SO worried (read the risks and possible side effects when I shouldn't have). We prayed a lot, asked for prayer from friends and family, and went to the appointment like champs. My mom was with me (aka Grammacilla) and that helped, too. Hazel cried and had the saddest face I think I've ever seen - but when we got in the car she zonked out and was a good sleeper, calm as can be the rest of the day. I was so proud of my girl. She was tough as nails, and took it like a champ. I worry too much, don't I, Hazel?

It always gets better.

Hazel had a few rough hours, a few rough feedings and one or two rough nights recently. It got me frustrated and feeling hopeless pretty quickly. But of course she followed those rough patches up by several full nights of sleep that had me feeling renewed again. It always gets better, huh Hazel!

Take time to read.

Today I read Hazel the first few pages of her Jesus Storybook Bible that our church gave to her. She patiently and intently listened to me as I read to her the simple, kid-like interpretation of the Bible - and of course I wept. It was an amazing time with my baby girl to be reading her those words. So powerful, so true.

Be brave.

Today was my first outing with Hazel by myself - we ventured 40 minutes down the 5 freeway to see Aunt Jamie and cousin Maddie. I was scared as all get out (aside from the power being out at our house all day). But I packed up my diaper bag to the brim, loaded us girls in the car, grabbed Starbucks drive-thru to feel like I was treating myself, and hopped on the freeway. We had a GREAT visit, I laughed and felt like myself again! Hazel taught me today to be brave, I am stronger than I think.

Every day is different.

I love routine. I always have - I love knowing what's coming next, taking the same route to work everyday, heading to the same lunch spots on my break, having a good routine. But with Hazel girl, every day is different. Some days are great, some days are terrible. Some days I feel energetic, some days exhausted. Some days breastfeeding works, some days it absolutely does not. I have never had so much variety in my days in all my life, but Hazel is teaching me!

Take your time.

I often want to rush things. I want to get through it, get to the easy part, hurry things along. Hazel is teaching me take your time and savor the moment. Go with the flow and don't hurry this baby along. She needs time, to learn, to grow, to eat, to swallow, to hiccup, to fall asleep.

Have patience.

There are SO many sleepless nights, frustrating crying fits, and breastfeeding disappointments. But amidst it all, Hazel is teaching me to have patience. It takes time. We will get it right.

You always need your mom.

I wanted us to do the baby thing on our own, just my husband and I. But after all of the complications and a big C-section incision to recover from, I caved and realized I needed help. After what is sometimes a rocky relationship with my mom, she was the only one I wanted while recovering. You always need your mom.

You make beautiful things.

We came home today, Hazel in-hand. One whole week in the NICU, and a ton of tests and sleepless worried nights later, we couldn't be happier to pack her into our Ford Edge and head home. Trevor played "Beautiful Things" by Gungor on the ride home while I sat in the back holding Hazel's tiny finger.  
You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of us. Take a listen...

Prayer works.

When Hazel was born on August 2, 2013, we both had an infection. After days on antibiotics (for both of us), Hazel ended up staying 1 week in the NICU and underwent a ton of tests, including one for Meningitis. Our families and friends sent up TONS of prayers - one distant family member sent a prayer request at the Carmel Mission, while our traveling cousins in Italy lit a candle for Hazel in a church there. We asked literally everyone we knew for prayers for Hazel, and prayer works. Hazel's tests all came back normal, her infection levels came down, and my heart felt whole again. God is so good.